


A warming hug from a warm family to warm your heart

by Lokisbur



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Donatello, Autistic Donnie, Death, Family Fluff, Fear of Death, Gen, Hugs, No Beta we die like Splinter, sorta Panic Attack, who am i kidding tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28861557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokisbur/pseuds/Lokisbur
Summary: Their weird apocalyptic life actually was just a dream, right? But it seems so real they might have glanced into the future.
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT), Mickey & Donnie & Leo & Raph
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	A warming hug from a warm family to warm your heart

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished the 2012 series and season 5 is extremely weird. But the thing with Donnie being a robot while the rest of his brothers still have their bodies made me think, and I ended up projecting into Donnie. So yeah, like me, Donnie has a deep fear of death and whatever comes after (in the idea that when you're dead life goes on) (and I'll stop here before giving myself a panic attack)
> 
> Comments and kudos appreciated!!

The boys woke up from their weird dream. The future was...apocalyptic. Everything was so different (especially Leo) and a mess. 

Leo, Raph and Mickey get out of their bed, still half-asleep half-traumatised by what they just dreamed about and all thought about getting a glass of water. They met in the hallway and stared at each other for a while.

“Yo bros, I had a dream _so weird_ ” started Mickey

“About the future!?” half screamed Raph.

“Wait, you had it too? The one where all my body changed except for my face?” Asked Leo.

“Yeah! That one!”

“You were sooooo weird looking. Should have taken a pic dude.” commented Mickey

The three of them started talking more about the dream while going toward the kitchen, eager to talk and give all of their thoughts. 

“Oh and Donnie’s robot body! So cool y’all! Right Do-” Mickey stopped mid-sentence. “Where’s Donnie?”

“He was in our dream too, right?” asked Leo

“Yeah, he was. But we all woke up at the same time, he should be awake too.” said Raph.

All three turtles came out of the kitchen, looking around to see if their brother was here, but no one was around.

“Ok, guys, I’ll check his lab, Mickey, check his room and Raph, go to the dojo.” ordered Leo.

Knowing where to go, they started to go to their destination with haste, but also calmy, as they knew their brother might not be in the same mood as they were.

Leo looked at the lab through the metal door and saw it was still lightened up. He pushed the doors a bit more and looked inside, Donnie didn’t seem to be here. He stayed for a while, looking around the lab, careful not to touch anything; but no sign of his scientist of brother. Then he stopped. A small noise was coming from behind one of the several huge lab’s shelves, slightly hidden away in a corner of the giant room. It sounded like,,, sobs?

  
  
  
  


Donnie suddenly woke up from his dream and stood straight in his chair. That dream seemed so real, but was it really? He tried to recollect his memories of it and froze. He was a robot. No flesh, no blood, no brain; just a cold and metallic robot. Even if his mind survived, he was a robot. He basically _died_. 

Tears came to his eyes.

He turned this thought around and around, over and over again. _I died. I died and put my mind in Metal Head. I died and my robot body survived for decades. Time couldn’t kill me. I could’ve survived almost anything and anyone._

Tears were filling his eyes.

_I would’ve outlived them._

He felt like throwing up.

He stood up and started to pace, fidgeting with what he had, trying to calm down his anxiety and soon to be seizure.

_Nice thoughts, think nice thoughts._

But he couldn’t. He was incapable of it. He smashed a few things around and got near his shelves, ready to smash down everything on it in a desperate attempt to calm down, but he only managed to place his back against the wall. He started banging his head against it, but the sound coming out of this action was way too loud for him. So he slided down the wall, sitting on the floor, placing his head on his knees and hands on his head, and he waited. 

He tried to breathe but choked himself instead, he could only cry and sob and wish for the dreadful feeling to go away. That horrible, heart clenching feeling of death. His brother will _die_ and he will _outlive them_. He will be a robot, he will be exactly what he heard others call him all his life. He will see his loved ones fade away one by one, while he will still be out there, alone. He might even see them die, the same way he saw Splinter die. And what was more horrible than to see your entire family die in front of you, one by one?

He was falling further and further in those ugly thoughts, incapable of climbing back up. He was drowning, and felt like drowning. Deeper and deeper, far away from the light.

Then a hand dropped on his arm.

  
  
  


Leo, and really, the rest of the family too, never ever saw Donatello that low. He had had panic attacks before, he would sometimes have drowning thoughts, more or less dark depending on the situation. But he usually could hear them calling him. Feel their touch. Even _smell them_ (for Mickey and Raph’s case at least). He had called Donnie a few times now, but _nothing_. He knew that touching him was the last thing he could do to make him snap out of it, but the thought was annoying him. Donnie never liked touch. When he was small, yeah, but as he grew up he liked it less and less; he would still give hugs and else, but only if he was initiating it or that they asked before. When it didn’t fit those criterias, or he wouldn’t give any, or he would be extremely uncomfy and would stim by shaking his head, as if he was trying to remove the bad feeling.

Leo knew Donnie and that was why he reluctantly touched his arm. A simple, soft touch. Just the tip of his fingers, resting on his brother’s arm and away again. The turtle was scared that it would give a bad reaction to Donnie, but he frankly didn’t know what was scaring him the most: that, or his brother’s lack of response. 

The touch had an effect indeed, just not the one he was expecting.

  
  
  


The warm touch was the hand that stopped his fall, the life buoy that put him out of the water, the light at the end of the tunnel.

He jerked up, not expecting the touch, but through his tears he could make out the face of his worried brother.

“Leo…” he let out, still sobbing.

And he grabbed him, holding to him as if he was about to just pop into thin air. He knew that he might try to not destroy his brother’s ribs, but he couldn’t lose the grip. He couldn’t let go of him. The all sensation of losing him in that future was still here and he hated it. The awful stab he had in his chest each time he thought about death was already horrible, but now that their sensei was gone, it hurt even more.

He heard a “‘Sup bros?” and a “Is he ok?” but couldn’t say from where it went nor who it was. He wished to only focus on the one he had in his arms. He knew this body, he hugged it, patched it, fought it many times before. It was familiar, and he needed that at the moment. He wanted to never let go.

  
  


Leo wasn’t exactly terrified of what had just happened. He knew that sometimes life can take you by surprise (in this case it was someone tho), and he knew how to adapt. But seeing his brother _hug_ him was part of his top 10 of unexpected things. Donnie was crying, and a lot. He was also shaking, having difficulties breathing and murmuring things like “I won’t let go” or “I will never let you go”. So Leo did the most logical thing to do; he hugged him back and held him close, rocking from left to right, trying to calm his little brother and shushing him down.

A few minutes later, Donnie still hadn’t moved out of his state. A rather loud “‘Sup bros?” told Leo about his other brothers’ whereabout.

Raph stepped closer and kneeled on the floor right beside him. “Is he ok?”

“I don’t know Raph, he was curled up on himself when I came and the moment I touched him he just...grabbed me.” answered Leo. “He hasn’t let go of me since. I tried to calm him down but nor the rocking, talk or lullaby is working.”

Raph leaned closer to Donnie and tried to look at his face, hidden in Leo’s chest and arms. He subtly touched him on his shoulder and asked “Hey Donnie, is everything alright?”

Somehow, it had an effect on his crying brother. He sat back a bit, still holding Leo’s arm and now slightly stimming with them, and sniffed, trying to even out his breath. It took him a few minutes before he was able to talk. 

“It’s… the dream.” he said softly.

“The one about the future!?” asked Mickey rather loudly.

Raph punched the back of his head right after seeing Donnie wince; loud noises were still too much for him at the moment. Mickey was now settled on the other side of Leo and Donnie, and the latest was keeping his head down and eyes shut for a few moments, slightly rocking back and forth.

“We had the same dream Donnie, all four of us.” gently said Leo. “It was weird and seemed so real, but everything ended up well. It’s normal to be a bit shaken up by it, but there’s really nothing to worry about.”

“-bot.”

“What ya said?” asked Raph.

“Robot, I was a robot. I _died_.”

“You didn’t die bro, your _body_ died, but not your mind. Being alive is having a soul, and you had a soul.” corrected Mickey. “And your body was metal!” he added, singing on the last word.

“You just confirmed it! _I died._ I died, and I was a robot, and a robot outlives everything. I’m a scientist, Mickey, I can find spare parts for a robot, I can fix it with literally _anything._ And if I’m a robot, I’ll outlive everything, and _everyone_!” screamed Donnie, now rocking back and forth more heavily than before.

His brother looked at each other and managed to confirm their theory with only their look. They knew that Donnie was scared of death more than anything. Scared of death and scared of losing his loved ones, and the dream was about both. What they didn’t understand quite yet was how it threw him off _that much._

“If that actually happens it’s...it’s _father_ all over again. I don’t want...I don’t...I can’t…I…”

The purple turtle never said the rest of the sentence, as it died in his sobs and trials to breathe properly. His brothers stared at him for a few seconds; that was why he was in such a state. He overthought things _again_ but this time it tipped him off the edge.

“Donnie…” started Leo.

“Can we touch you?” somehow finished Raph.

“Like hugs and stuff? No limits?” added Mickey.

In the middle of his rocking, Donnie managed to nod, giving them the green light for what they asked.

“Gentle” he let out, the word quickly drowning in his tears.

Leo was the first to touch him. He never really stopped touching him, since Donnie kept his hands in his to stim with it, but Leo knew they both needed more. So he grabbed him as tight as he knew he could and dropped a soft kiss on his temple.

“We love you Donnie, we’ll never let you down, never let you go.” he whispered. “If you ever, ever feel as bad as that you can come to us, no matter the day, the time and the activity we’re doing.”

“Yeah, we’re here for you.” added Raph, joining the hug, gently rubbing his nose in the crook of his brother’s neck.

Mickey whimpered a bit, looking at the promising family hug he was about to crash in, and finished by saying “Anytime bro” while coming in hot but still weary of the condition for the hugging.

Donnie was now stuck in a turtle sandwich and couldn’t be in a better place. His brothers were paying attention to his breathing and the space he needed in order not to feel crushed by their presence, all while hugging him as tight as possible. The warmth and the sound of their breaths and heartbeat helped him calm down his crippling fear and finally relax, letting the weight of his lack of sleep from the last few days, starting to grow bigger, soon enough putting him to sleep.

He woke up a few hours later, laying on the couch with all of his brothers nearby. They thought about putting his weighted blanket on him, and at the very moment he took a look around, he knew that if anything happened right now, at least one of them would be at his direct side in an instant. He smiled to himself and closed his eyes again, certain that his family will stay with him no matter what.


End file.
